A Pickle of a Wedding in Pittsburgh
As some of you all may have heard, I am the best Maid of Honor ever. Okay, so I was technically a Matron of Honor, but that title sounds far too old. When I think of a matron, I for some reason imagine an elderly baroness running an orphanage somewhere in Europe. I am none of those things. Thus, I shall refer to myself as “maid” – husband be damned!
As I was saying, last weekend afforded me the opportunity to be a Maid of Honor for the very first time. My friend since second grade, Karen “Pickle” Clawson, married Will “Will” Cosmas in a fantastic ceremony at Phipps Conservatory in Pittsburgh. It feels like it’s been a long time coming, as I’ve been helping Karen with the arrangements for what seems like forever! The weekend finally came and went, and it was good.
From my previous posts that involve Karen, you may recall that she and Will live in Boston, but because (I can only assume) they wanted to save me some cash, they decided to have a true Pittsburgh wedding. To start it off, we had a wonderful dinner at Monterey Bay on the top of Mt. Washington where their many out-of-town guests were greeted with a wonderful view of the city. We all parked below the mountain after rehearsing the ceremony at Phipps and took that death box known as the Duquesne Incline to the top. All I can think when I ride one of those damn things is: “I wonder how old that cable is?” Luckily, no one noticed me nervously rocking and blabbering about death, as we were crammed in there pretty damn good.
At the rehearsal dinner, I was glad to be able to spend some quality time with Karen’s brother, Kenny. As close as Karen and I have been throughout our lives, I have also spent a lot of time with Kenny, and just like I always feel at ease – like I’m with family – when I’m with Karen, I feel the same with him. The only difference here is that Kenny is equally as naughty – and nerdy – as me. Dinner was a lot of fun, and I’m pretty sure that we were shushed several times from those around us.
Saturday morning, the time before the wedding was spent getting our hairs did. I tried my best to convince Karen that the Princess Leia look would really be fitting, but damn her limited imagination, she just could not handle the potential awesomeness. As far as I can see, I still have at least three weddings to be in, so I’ll take a moment to implore both my sisters and Mala to start considering the Princess Leia look now. Hell, I might even go so far as to suggest an all out Sci-Fi theme (I’m looking at you, Jamie). It blows my mind to even consider it.
Because I had to drive to the rehearsal dinner the night before, I began making up for lost time on Saturday with a bottle’s worth of mimosas. Normally I am not a champagne fan, but by 10 AM, I was ready to go! I’m pretty sure I was already drunk and sobering up by noon. After a nice lunch, we slathered ourselves in makeup and strapped on our dresses. Being that I helped pick out the dresses, I was pretty happy with it. It had straps, covered my ta-tas, reached the floor, and was a neutral champagne cover with just enough sparkle. Plus, I was wearing the best shoes – very pointy and sparkly (picture to follow).
There’s something about riding in a limo that is just undeniably exciting. Aside from my own wedding, the last time I had ridden in a limo was the one I took with 4 other couples to the senior prom, which I ironically shared with Karen and Mala (now one of Karen’s bridesmaids). With all the hairspray and shimmering fabric going on, we just couldn’t help but draw the comparison. I don’t know about you, but all I ever want to do when I’m in a limo is stick my head out a sunroof. Luckily for the sake of my hair, there wasn’t one, so I had to suffice with mocking people threw the tinted windows as they checked us out.
After hamming it up for the camera in some posed shots, muscling some people away from the bridal suite, and finagling several snaps and hooks on the back of Karen’s dress, the ceremony went off without a hitch. I think what I’ll always remember about the ceremony was the moment right before I walked out. As I stepped up to wait my turn, I turned to see Karen standing between the trimmed hedges with her father, and in a moment that was totally appropriate in every way, saw Karen in her beautiful dress chugging a bottle of booze, her father laughing at her side. Priceless.
Of course, I cried. I always cry. It could be a complete stranger getting married and I would weep like there was no tomorrow – it doesn’t matter. What is it about that moment when a bride walks down the aisle that is just tear inducing? Sometimes it’s the groom blubbering away or the father of the bride beaming with pride. I think it just has something to do with the relief of the moment – all the waiting and tension breaking and falling away as happiness just washes over everyone. I’m a sucker every time. The ceremony was short and sweet. The bride was radiant, and the groom wasn’t too shabby either, I guess. It wasn’t too sunny or hot out, butterflies flew around us as vows were made, and I got to hear a lovely string rendition of “Fields of Gold.” And then it time for the fun.
The reception was held under tents outside of Phipps. My tablemates: Parry (duh); Mala and her beau, Colin; Brian, step brother to the bride, and his lady love, Traci; and Timmy-freakin-Jones, high school friend. I knew right away that it would be a good night; this was one naughty table! The speeches were spread out, and I was set to present my masterpiece between the entre and the dessert, although I was just hoping to get it over as soon as humanly possible. Being that I am constantly in front of people in my work and my life, you’d think I’d be fine with public speaking, but for some reason I was literally shaking in my glittery shoes. It only made sense to drink as much wine as possible in as little time as possible, and thanks to the fact that Brian was palming entire bottles from the bar, my nerves were slightly soothed.
I thought my speech went well. I had been having some trouble writing something unique that hadn’t already been said, so a few days before the wedding I decided to let my 13 year old students write most of the speech for me. Since there is no point in being a teacher if you can’t use students as slave labor, I assigned my four English classes a writing prompt: Imagine that you are talking with someone in a relationship who plans on getting married. What advice would you give this person about how to have a long and happy relationship? This idea was quite fruitful, and I had several good lines – some quite poignant and others pretty funny. While I can’t remember them all now, my favorite answer was: “Don’t ask me…My parents see a counselor.” Despite my shaking hands, I managed to make it through the speech relatively unscathed. Back at school this week, it’s been a source of pride for the kids whose lines I used. It’s their moment of fame.
From this point on, the wedding becomes a spiral of dancing, drinking, and some hardcore fun. The DJ did something I found to be quite interesting: she played the music chronologically, so we started off with classic oldies, made our way through the 80’s and 90’s, and finished the night off with some JT and Lady Gaga. We danced and danced and danced, and after three stolen bottles of wine, my shoes were gone and walking to the bathroom in the rain was nothing short of exciting.
The wedding party stayed at the Sheridan in Station Square, and the limo showed up to transport a hell-of-a-lot of people back for the after party at the hotel bar. Here are some things I can recall about the rest of the night: Karen wearing a Steelers jersey over her wedding dress, asking Tim how many boobs he touched in high school in front of the boy he was trying to hook up with, laughing so hard I was crouched on the ground, laying my head on Karen’s back and or shoulder, Kenny taking a brigade to the casino after the bar started to close down, having a drink with Karen’s uncle who I hadn’t seen in years, and talking to many complete strangers and old friends.
Somehow, Parry and I ended up with a room that connected to Karen and Will’s. This was perhaps lucky for them, as Will needed some help with his new wife. I concluded my Maid of Honor duties in traditional fashion – holding up folds of white dress while the bride has herself a pee. Man, I am good. After a brunch at the Grand Concourse the next morning, the wedding festivities came to a close, and the weekend was finally over. When I have pictures – ones I like – I’ll post them, but for now, here are two crappy cellphone pictures and a stolen video of the happy couple’s first dance (thanks to Ginny Cain who I stole this video from):
Posted by Amanda at 9/16/2010 5:36 PM 
Categories: My Life
Tags: brian incline tim party dance wedding phipps mala school celebrate maid of honor pittsburgh wine bridesmaid dress mt washington fields of gold colin timmyjones drinking karen drink parry drunk speech
Categories: My Life
Tags: brian incline tim party dance wedding phipps mala school celebrate maid of honor pittsburgh wine bridesmaid dress mt washington fields of gold colin timmyjones drinking karen drink parry drunk speech
WHO I STOLE THIS VIDEO FROM!!!!!!!! Teacher... teacher -- Mandy
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