You're all dying to know, so let me put you out of your misery. Last night, I WON our annual Oscar contest. That's right, baby, two years in a row! Here's the breakdown of how I did it and what I thought about the night in general.

At six o'clock I was firmly settled into the couch, surrounded with mounds of blankets and pillows. Drinks were lined up in front of me (all of the water or tea persuasion, sorry to disappoint). I watched Ryan Seacrest - a man who I may or may not hate, I just can't tell - interview all the stars. I also watched that terrible half hour pre-Oscar show done by ABC. Dear God, is that show terrible! What the hell was Cathy Ireland doing on that show? She was just so very, very bad. So stiff and mannequin-esque. Couldn't they just start the Oscars at 8, thereby providing me with an extra thirty minutes of sleep?! When I my eyes stopped bleeding from that colossal waste of time, the real show finally started.

NPH came out, which made me happy, but I didn't particularly love his number. I also thought that Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin were a little awkward at first, but they got better as they went. Overall, I liked them. I also liked how the stage looked and how they were constantly changing it.

The last bit of technical critique I will make concerns the things I particularly enjoyed about the show. I thought the John Hughes tribute was really nice. I liked the big dance number to all of the best score nominees. Finally, I really think that the person who decided to have other actors come out to talk about the best actor/actress nominees is a genius. It made the award so much more personal and interesting. And funny, for the most part.

As for the competition on the couch - it was fierce. Our ballots carefully guarded behind folded arms, we spent the night throwing dirty looks at and wishing failure upon each other. Once the nominees for a category were announced, we both revealed who we had selected to win. Sometimes, when the win was a crucial one, we heightened the anticipation by waiting until the actual winner was announced to say who we had picked. I spent half the night trying to convince Parry that I had voted for Avatar for best picture (I didn't), while also trying to weasel as much info out of him as I could. The mind games were intense.

The big problem with the Oscars this year was that they were, in large part, predictable.  For the first four or five awards, Parry and I had the same (correct) answers. Then, once the "shorts" were announced, I went 1 for 3 and Parry went 0 for 3. I pulled ahead with a lucky win for Best Short Film (Live Action). I voted for The New Tenants, and Parry had voted for The Door. I want to note that we never see any of the short films, and I made my choice based on the fact that the word "Tenant" reminded me of David Tennant, the actor who played Doctor #10 in Doctor Who. Woohoo, me!

So, with the lead firmly in my grasp, I hoped to pull ahead by two, solidifying my chances of victory, but then it happened: Best Film Editing. I had chosen Avatar (as I did for every technical award - damn sound mixing and editing), but the winner was The Hurt Locker, aka Parry's choice. It was all tied up. I tell you, you could cut the tension in the room with a knife. At this point, we had transplanted ourselves upstairs to the bedroom, being that it was getting ridiculously late. I sat silently as Parry gloated away. I could feel a pit of dread forming in my gut.

With only five awards to go, it all came down to Best Foreign Film. It was pretty much understood that we had the same choices for the four major awards, although I continued to mess with Parry's mind, giving him a false hope that even stood a remote chance. I based my selection of Best Foreign Film on vast knowledge of high school Spanish and had selected the Argentinean film El Secreto de sus Ojos. I was so happy that I knew that the title meant The Secret in Their Eyes that I filled in the little circle on my ballot without much thought. Luckily for me, Parry was not so fortunate. Working on what I suppose is the common notion that any German movie is 8x more likely to win a major American award, he was betting on The White Ribbon. As they announced the winner, I jumped up in celebration as all of the air deflated from the once proud chest of my beloved LOSER husband. Victory was mine!

We each guessed correctly for the last four awards, which meant that I had sealed my victory with a score of 17/24. Not too bad! I will soon be placing my name on our Oscar and putting it out on display for the world to see. Please, stop by and feel free to stare. But don't touch. It's mine.