Beavis & Julia Get Married

As some of you know already, my husband and I made a journey out to Philadelphia last weekend for the marriage of our friends Beavis and Julia. Aside from the obvious dangers associated with a trip to Philly, Parry and I also had to worry about being in the actual wedding – Parry as an usher, and me as the officiant. Yes, that’s right – the officiant. Beavis was kind enough to marry my husband and I a few years back, so when he called me up and asked, how could I deny him?

You may be asking yourself how we managed to garner the privilege to bestow upon others the holy sacrament of marriage. Well, it turns out that after a few clicks on the Universal Church website, anyone can marry anyone! Beavis has done it two or three times now, and even my sister has married someone. I highly recommend it for a source of second income…

Anyway, we took off for Philly Thursday morning after dropping Bunting off at the in-laws’ house. I pulled on a Pens t-shirt, and we were off. I love a good road trip, despite the fact that sitting still for hours on end is completely against my nature. Basically, I start to go nuts, blabbering nonsense non-stop. It’s fun for me, but for Parry…not so much.  I decided to spend my time playing car bingo, and I made two cards on a scrap of paper I found in the car. It was surprisingly fun, but I think I made the squares too difficult to find (ie a picture of ice cream on the side of a truck). It amazes me to think that Parry didn’t reach across the car, open my door, undo my seatbelt, and push.  

Thanks to my husband, the somewhat irrational fear that the hotel staff would spit in our food and ransack our room when we were out because of my Pens shirt began to seep into my brain. Driving through some lovely slums really solidified this idea, and I decided that, at least during check-in, I would keep my jacket zipped up to my nose. Beavis and Julia were checking in right behind us, so we got to spend a little time together while they were waiting for their room to be done – which was nice.

                                         

The wedding and the reception was held at the Glen Foerd Mansion – an exquisite historical home right on the Delaware River. It is just a beautiful place with so much to look at – a real unique space. The rehearsal went off without a hitch; I mostly deferred all decisions on everything to the bride. We had dinner back at the hotel, and I was lucky enough to be seated next to the best man, Mr. Jared Miller. Now, if you know Beavis and Julia, you could easily guess that the beer was a-flowin’, and in no time people were being loud and boisterous. Beavis gave his ushers copies of the book How to Live with a Huge Penis, which led the conversation down the path of debauchery and filth. Nothing out of the usual – except for the fact that the groom’s elderly aunt and uncle were seated with us, and I’m pretty sure that they spent the majority of their night silently praying for our damned souls.

Next, we spent some time at the bar in the hotel, which happened to have one of the most extensive beer selections of any hotel I have ever seen. The beer of the night was certainly the Gonzo Imperial Stout (7.8%) which flowed in abundance. Beavis was feeling no pain (as witnessed in this picture):

                                    


And, surprisingly, people were somehow up and pulled together early the next morning to get ready for the wedding.

Now, I’ve never had the tremendous responsibility of carrying an entire wedding on my shoulders. I started to panic internally, and I spent a lot of time reading over the vows, editing my speeches, and practicing in my mind. My stomach hurt, and I worked on forcing myself to stay chill.

When the time came, and I was standing at the end of the aisle with a mike in front of me and my binder of words in my hand, my knees were literally knocking together. Then, down came Beavis with his grandmother, and the two of us just stood there reassuring each other, despite the fact that we probably were not supposed to be making small talk. As the parents were being escorted down the aisle, Beavis realized that there was no lighter on the unity candle table. We both panicked, and I volunteered to go find one. Everyone looked very confused as I walked down the side aisle, away from the wedding that had already started. The planner lady looked like she was going to stroke out, but all was taken care off as I scuttled back to my place next to Beavis. Crisis averted.

The procession began to march in (Parry looking sharp), and then something fantastic happened – fantastic for me, that is. Jared, the best man, started down the steps with his lady…and he tripped. Sliding down the two steps, at least Jared didn’t pull the girl down with him… What he did do was break the ice, and suddenly I realized that no matter what I did or said, people would be totally fixated on Jared’s fall. So, to Jared, I say “Thank you, sir!” (By the way, Jared was fine.) I almost cried when the big moment came - I’m a sap at weddings - but I pulled it together.

The entire ceremony was a blur for me, but based on response, I guess it went well. I’m pretty sure I snorted into the microphone at least once due to inappropriate laughter, but no one is perfect. We spent the night eating, drinking, and dancing, as at any wedding. It was a good time with good people. And Mala looked really cute. I got brand new Cole Haan shoes – the ones with the Nike air cushions in them - as an early Christmas present from my husband, but my feet still hurt like hell by the end of the night (and even two days later). They looked good though – my first pair of big girl shoes.

The shuttle back to the hotel was filled to the brim with drunken incoherence, and in the morning, we all sat around eating cold bagels and contemplating all that had gone down the night before. It was a good time – a great wedding. I’m just thankful that I didn’t say something horribly inappropriate at the most inopportune time. A proud, proud moment! And perhaps a first.

                   


Posted by Amanda at 12/13/2009 3:40 PM
Categories: My Life
Tags: hotel wedding beer philadelphia mala philly gonza imperial stout Beavis jared marriage julia drinking cole haan pens drunk car bingo officiant glen foerd
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