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Who Won the Annual Oscar Competition?
You're all dying to know, so let me put you out of your misery. Last night, I WON our annual Oscar contest. That's right, baby, two years in a row! Here's the breakdown of how I did it and what I thought about the night in general.
At six o'clock I was firmly settled into the couch, surrounded with mounds of blankets and pillows. Drinks were lined up in front of me (all of the water or tea persuasion, sorry to disappoint). I watched Ryan Seacrest - a man who I may or may not hate, I just can't tell - interview all the stars. I also watched that terrible half hour pre-Oscar show done by ABC. Dear God, is that show terrible! What the hell was Cathy Ireland doing on that show? She was just so very, very bad. So stiff and mannequin-esque. Couldn't they just start the Oscars at 8, thereby providing me with an extra thirty minutes of sleep?! When I my eyes stopped bleeding from that colossal waste of time, the real show finally started.
NPH came out, which made me happy, but I didn't particularly love his number. I also thought that Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin were a little awkward at first, but they got better as they went. Overall, I liked them. I also liked how the stage looked and how they were constantly changing it.
The last bit of technical critique I will make concerns the things I particularly enjoyed about the show. I thought the John Hughes tribute was really nice. I liked the big dance number to all of the best score nominees. Finally, I really think that the person who decided to have other actors come out to talk about the best actor/actress nominees is a genius. It made the award so much more personal and interesting. And funny, for the most part.
As for the competition on the couch - it was fierce. Our ballots carefully guarded behind folded arms, we spent the night throwing dirty looks at and wishing failure upon each other. Once the nominees for a category were announced, we both revealed who we had selected to win. Sometimes, when the win was a crucial one, we heightened the anticipation by waiting until the actual winner was announced to say who we had picked. I spent half the night trying to convince Parry that I had voted for Avatar for best picture (I didn't), while also trying to weasel as much info out of him as I could. The mind games were intense.
The big problem with the Oscars this year was that they were, in large part, predictable. For the first four or five awards, Parry and I had the same (correct) answers. Then, once the "shorts" were announced, I went 1 for 3 and Parry went 0 for 3. I pulled ahead with a lucky win for Best Short Film (Live Action). I voted for The New Tenants, and Parry had voted for The Door. I want to note that we never see any of the short films, and I made my choice based on the fact that the word "Tenant" reminded me of David Tennant, the actor who played Doctor #10 in Doctor Who. Woohoo, me!
So, with the lead firmly in my grasp, I hoped to pull ahead by two, solidifying my chances of victory, but then it happened: Best Film Editing. I had chosen Avatar (as I did for every technical award - damn sound mixing and editing), but the winner was The Hurt Locker, aka Parry's choice. It was all tied up. I tell you, you could cut the tension in the room with a knife. At this point, we had transplanted ourselves upstairs to the bedroom, being that it was getting ridiculously late. I sat silently as Parry gloated away. I could feel a pit of dread forming in my gut.
With only five awards to go, it all came down to Best Foreign Film. It was pretty much understood that we had the same choices for the four major awards, although I continued to mess with Parry's mind, giving him a false hope that even stood a remote chance. I based my selection of Best Foreign Film on vast knowledge of high school Spanish and had selected the Argentinean film El Secreto de sus Ojos. I was so happy that I knew that the title meant The Secret in Their Eyes that I filled in the little circle on my ballot without much thought. Luckily for me, Parry was not so fortunate. Working on what I suppose is the common notion that any German movie is 8x more likely to win a major American award, he was betting on The White Ribbon. As they announced the winner, I jumped up in celebration as all of the air deflated from the once proud chest of my beloved LOSER husband. Victory was mine!
We each guessed correctly for the last four awards, which meant that I had sealed my victory with a score of 17/24. Not too bad! I will soon be placing my name on our Oscar and putting it out on display for the world to see. Please, stop by and feel free to stare. But don't touch. It's mine.
At six o'clock I was firmly settled into the couch, surrounded with mounds of blankets and pillows. Drinks were lined up in front of me (all of the water or tea persuasion, sorry to disappoint). I watched Ryan Seacrest - a man who I may or may not hate, I just can't tell - interview all the stars. I also watched that terrible half hour pre-Oscar show done by ABC. Dear God, is that show terrible! What the hell was Cathy Ireland doing on that show? She was just so very, very bad. So stiff and mannequin-esque. Couldn't they just start the Oscars at 8, thereby providing me with an extra thirty minutes of sleep?! When I my eyes stopped bleeding from that colossal waste of time, the real show finally started.
NPH came out, which made me happy, but I didn't particularly love his number. I also thought that Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin were a little awkward at first, but they got better as they went. Overall, I liked them. I also liked how the stage looked and how they were constantly changing it.
The last bit of technical critique I will make concerns the things I particularly enjoyed about the show. I thought the John Hughes tribute was really nice. I liked the big dance number to all of the best score nominees. Finally, I really think that the person who decided to have other actors come out to talk about the best actor/actress nominees is a genius. It made the award so much more personal and interesting. And funny, for the most part.
As for the competition on the couch - it was fierce. Our ballots carefully guarded behind folded arms, we spent the night throwing dirty looks at and wishing failure upon each other. Once the nominees for a category were announced, we both revealed who we had selected to win. Sometimes, when the win was a crucial one, we heightened the anticipation by waiting until the actual winner was announced to say who we had picked. I spent half the night trying to convince Parry that I had voted for Avatar for best picture (I didn't), while also trying to weasel as much info out of him as I could. The mind games were intense.
The big problem with the Oscars this year was that they were, in large part, predictable. For the first four or five awards, Parry and I had the same (correct) answers. Then, once the "shorts" were announced, I went 1 for 3 and Parry went 0 for 3. I pulled ahead with a lucky win for Best Short Film (Live Action). I voted for The New Tenants, and Parry had voted for The Door. I want to note that we never see any of the short films, and I made my choice based on the fact that the word "Tenant" reminded me of David Tennant, the actor who played Doctor #10 in Doctor Who. Woohoo, me!
So, with the lead firmly in my grasp, I hoped to pull ahead by two, solidifying my chances of victory, but then it happened: Best Film Editing. I had chosen Avatar (as I did for every technical award - damn sound mixing and editing), but the winner was The Hurt Locker, aka Parry's choice. It was all tied up. I tell you, you could cut the tension in the room with a knife. At this point, we had transplanted ourselves upstairs to the bedroom, being that it was getting ridiculously late. I sat silently as Parry gloated away. I could feel a pit of dread forming in my gut.
With only five awards to go, it all came down to Best Foreign Film. It was pretty much understood that we had the same choices for the four major awards, although I continued to mess with Parry's mind, giving him a false hope that even stood a remote chance. I based my selection of Best Foreign Film on vast knowledge of high school Spanish and had selected the Argentinean film El Secreto de sus Ojos. I was so happy that I knew that the title meant The Secret in Their Eyes that I filled in the little circle on my ballot without much thought. Luckily for me, Parry was not so fortunate. Working on what I suppose is the common notion that any German movie is 8x more likely to win a major American award, he was betting on The White Ribbon. As they announced the winner, I jumped up in celebration as all of the air deflated from the once proud chest of my beloved LOSER husband. Victory was mine!
We each guessed correctly for the last four awards, which meant that I had sealed my victory with a score of 17/24. Not too bad! I will soon be placing my name on our Oscar and putting it out on display for the world to see. Please, stop by and feel free to stare. But don't touch. It's mine.
An Ode to Mala (in progress)
My best friend in the world, Mala, will be moving at the end of the month to New Jersey. Why she would want to live in that cesspool, I'll never know... Oh yeah, I guess working for Princeton is an understandable reason...I guess.
I know that she'll come back to good old PA in time (even if I have to kidnap her), but for now, I'm sad. It feels like only yesterday that I just stole her back from Virginia. So, to fend off my sorrows, I've written this blog in dedication to Mala, immortalizing our love by projecting it across that magical ether known as the Internets.
I present to you my list: 51 Reasons I Love Mala. I challenge all my readers out there who know and love that little brown girl (and by god, I know there's quite a few of you) to send a shout out below and add to my list. How high can we go?
1. Her head has been the same size since (at least) 1984.
2. She once got viciously attacked by a beagle.
3. "I think Michael has been compromised."
4. She always explains who all those people I can't remember are when they try to friend me on Facebook.
5. Sometimes she laughs and hyperventilates at the same time.
6. She never judges me, and she always listens.
7. She is so damn cute - irresistible, in fact.
8. In 6th grade, she made her own nametag: William Tell.
9. When she gave her maid-of-honor speech at my wedding, we both cried.
10. I can remember one of the first times I heard her say the F-word out loud.
11. She has great sense of humor and can always give you a smile.
12. Someday, our kids will be best friends. Oh, they will be, whether they like it or not.
13. The word "panties" makes her shudder and blush.
14. She's the first person I always call when news arises.
15. She's genuinely interested in the books I read.
16. She may appear tiny and meek, but she can snap you in two with her kung fu ways.
17. That girl has got some funky rhythm.
18. Seriously, she knows everything about everything.
19. "Is it raining? I hadn't noticed." This line makes her want to die.
20. She doesn't let being afraid stop her from doing something or going somewhere.
21. Who else do you know that ever carried fetal chickens around in her purse?
22. She's still in school, and she's 29 years old. I love it.
23. Her mother gave me a Riesen every morning while I waited for Mala to get ready and finish her breakfast.
24. She is willing to wear a shirt I made her, no matter how cheesy it is.
25. All of our bus rides with Dugan, talking about boys.
26. My dad called her "Oops" - and apparently, he was right.
27. She always puts everyone else ahead of herself.
28. When she finds out I wrote a blog about her, she'll be completely mortified, but under all that embarrassment, I know she'll be secretly loving it.
29. Almost every good memory I have - hell, almost every memory I have - has her in it.
30. We almost saw Radiohead together once (a band that she, in fact, introduced me to).
31. Sometimes, if we're lucky, she comes to the Lovely house on Christmas Day to hang with my family.
32. My enemies are her enemies. And vice versa.
33. When she would go to India in the summers when we were young, she would always write me letters - real letters (and I still have them all).
34. She fell in love with the tallest man I know. Go figure.
35. She tried so hard to find Jesus Fever a home. When she couldn't, she cried.
37. I don't know when her real birthday is.
38. The only speech I've ever given in public was about her.
39. We always have fun together - even when we're just playing Apples to Apples into the wee hours of the night.
40. We can go weeks without talking, and it never, ever matters.
41. She trusts me to take care of business when she's too shy to do it herself (FP's much).
42. She's pretty much obsessed with Pride and Prejudice - the mini-series.
43. Rolling around on the floor during middle school study halls in the cafeteria.
44. Few people are as truly selfless as Mala is.
45. The one time I slept over her house, Becky and I were eating coffee grains while I'm pretty sure Mala was rubbing her face against the TV screen because a movie starring Ethan Hawke was on.
46. She can't digest food without punching herself in the gut.
47. Someday she's going to be the most successful person I know.
48. She recognizes the awesome power of the Stipe Effect.
49. No matter where she goes, she'll always live "right down the street."
50. She slept on a tent I made in my dorm room. And she cowered with me in fear...of Jesus.
51. I know she'll always be willing to participate in a game of online Scrabble.
52. This picture, as well as our love, is over 20 years old. It's my favorite picture, and I still have that little clown.
WHY DO YOU LOVE MALA?
(P.S. If no one comments on this, Mala, don't be dismayed. I don't know if anyone is reading! It's certainly no reflection on you.)
I know that she'll come back to good old PA in time (even if I have to kidnap her), but for now, I'm sad. It feels like only yesterday that I just stole her back from Virginia. So, to fend off my sorrows, I've written this blog in dedication to Mala, immortalizing our love by projecting it across that magical ether known as the Internets.
I present to you my list: 51 Reasons I Love Mala. I challenge all my readers out there who know and love that little brown girl (and by god, I know there's quite a few of you) to send a shout out below and add to my list. How high can we go?
1. Her head has been the same size since (at least) 1984.
2. She once got viciously attacked by a beagle.
3. "I think Michael has been compromised."
4. She always explains who all those people I can't remember are when they try to friend me on Facebook.
5. Sometimes she laughs and hyperventilates at the same time.
6. She never judges me, and she always listens.
7. She is so damn cute - irresistible, in fact.
8. In 6th grade, she made her own nametag: William Tell.
9. When she gave her maid-of-honor speech at my wedding, we both cried.
10. I can remember one of the first times I heard her say the F-word out loud.
11. She has great sense of humor and can always give you a smile.
12. Someday, our kids will be best friends. Oh, they will be, whether they like it or not.
13. The word "panties" makes her shudder and blush.
14. She's the first person I always call when news arises.
15. She's genuinely interested in the books I read.
16. She may appear tiny and meek, but she can snap you in two with her kung fu ways.
17. That girl has got some funky rhythm.
18. Seriously, she knows everything about everything.
19. "Is it raining? I hadn't noticed." This line makes her want to die.
20. She doesn't let being afraid stop her from doing something or going somewhere.
21. Who else do you know that ever carried fetal chickens around in her purse?
22. She's still in school, and she's 29 years old. I love it.
23. Her mother gave me a Riesen every morning while I waited for Mala to get ready and finish her breakfast.
24. She is willing to wear a shirt I made her, no matter how cheesy it is.
25. All of our bus rides with Dugan, talking about boys.
26. My dad called her "Oops" - and apparently, he was right.
27. She always puts everyone else ahead of herself.
28. When she finds out I wrote a blog about her, she'll be completely mortified, but under all that embarrassment, I know she'll be secretly loving it.
29. Almost every good memory I have - hell, almost every memory I have - has her in it.
30. We almost saw Radiohead together once (a band that she, in fact, introduced me to).
31. Sometimes, if we're lucky, she comes to the Lovely house on Christmas Day to hang with my family.
32. My enemies are her enemies. And vice versa.
33. When she would go to India in the summers when we were young, she would always write me letters - real letters (and I still have them all).
34. She fell in love with the tallest man I know. Go figure.
35. She tried so hard to find Jesus Fever a home. When she couldn't, she cried.
37. I don't know when her real birthday is.
38. The only speech I've ever given in public was about her.
39. We always have fun together - even when we're just playing Apples to Apples into the wee hours of the night.
40. We can go weeks without talking, and it never, ever matters.
41. She trusts me to take care of business when she's too shy to do it herself (FP's much).
42. She's pretty much obsessed with Pride and Prejudice - the mini-series.
43. Rolling around on the floor during middle school study halls in the cafeteria.
44. Few people are as truly selfless as Mala is.
45. The one time I slept over her house, Becky and I were eating coffee grains while I'm pretty sure Mala was rubbing her face against the TV screen because a movie starring Ethan Hawke was on.
46. She can't digest food without punching herself in the gut.
47. Someday she's going to be the most successful person I know.
48. She recognizes the awesome power of the Stipe Effect.
49. No matter where she goes, she'll always live "right down the street."
50. She slept on a tent I made in my dorm room. And she cowered with me in fear...of Jesus.
51. I know she'll always be willing to participate in a game of online Scrabble.
52. This picture, as well as our love, is over 20 years old. It's my favorite picture, and I still have that little clown.
WHY DO YOU LOVE MALA?
(P.S. If no one comments on this, Mala, don't be dismayed. I don't know if anyone is reading! It's certainly no reflection on you.)
Oscar Competition from Hell, AKA Best Picture Nominees
The Oscars are a big deal in our household. Over the course of the last few years, my husband and I have experienced weeks of intense competition surrounding the yearly awards extravaganza. We print out a ballet that contains all of the awards, and we make our selections, keeping our choices hidden from one another until the winners are announced live on stage. It’s a cut-throat 4 hour fiasco often ending in bloodshed and tears. One would assume that, with my vast expertise concerning the world of media and pop culture, that I would consistently win this competition, but by including all 24 Oscar categories (ones dealing with sound, effects, costumes, shorts, animation, foreign films, documentaries, etc), it’s really anyone's game. I am not (not) ashamed to admit that Parry beat me two years ago, but I am the current reigning champion and intend to stay on top again this year.
In preparation for this challenge, Parry and I attempt to watch as many Oscar related films as we can each year. As of this moment, we have seen all ten best picture nominees, as well as several other popular ones. I’m sure that we’ll continue to squeeze a few more in before the red carpet is rolled out on March 7th.
Knowing how serious I am about my viewing and critiquing of these films, let me now lend you my "expert" advice. Which of the 10 Oscar nominees for Best Picture should you see this year (Yes, there are 10!!)? Let me tell you…
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Avatar
I have to tell you that I am a fan of Avatar - not because the film itself is great, but because I saw it in IMAX 3D and it was one of the coolest things I have ever seen. It's definitely worth seeing in the theater...in IMAX 3D. It will blow your mind and make you enjoy going to the movies again. Plus, everyone in the free world has seen it. Shouldn’t you be in the loop?
The Blind Side
There was surprisingly very little football in this movie. I think I expected a "sports" movie, but instead what I got was a movie about how a kid manages to pull himself out of poverty and abuse with the help of some rich white people. (Sandra Bullock is good, but I think Meryl Streep was better as Julia Child) All in all, I would say that I was surprised how much I liked this one. It's an "easy" movie that anyone could watch.
District 9
Loved it. My favorite movie out of the bunch (although not my choice for winner). If you didn't see this movie in the theater, I feel bad for you. Watch it in HD, if possible. The special effects are incredible, the story is refreshingly unique, and the majority of the dialogue was completely improvised by a crazy guy named Sharlto playing an uptight and unlucky South African guy named Wikus. This one is for any Sci-Fi/Action lover with a brain.
An Education
This movie is classically British. It stars Sally Sparrow of Doctor Who fame. Yeah! There are people with accents; they cry and crack smarmy jokes and talk about feelings. It is a coming-of-age romance with quite a wallop of that good old Brit humor. Good coming-of-age stories - ones that haven't been done already - are rare. One's with a female central character are even more hard to find. If the Brits are your thing, add this one to your queue.
The Hurt Locker
This is, I think, perhaps the biggest contender for Oscar winner of the bunch. As it is about bomb diffusers in Iraq, the movie is tagged as being filled with suspense, and while some definite nail-biting will take place as you watch, the better reason to watch this film is for the characters. It's a "big" war movie on a very small scale. Powerful. I suggest anyone could/should see this film and enjoy it.
Inglourious Basterds
Quentin Tarantino makes films I love. If he makes films you love, odds are you have already seen this movie. It is funny, and the opening scene is fantastic. I would suspect that for most of you who have not already seen it, this movie is not your cup of tea. Still, you should surely rent it, if you think you can stomach some Tarantino fun (although surprisingly not nearly enough scalping for my liking).
Precious
Everyone who hears I have seen this film asks me, "Was it as hard to watch as it looks?" The answer is yes. This is a rough, rough movie. And despite Oprah's raves, I'm not sure that I see any uplifting message in it. One bad thing happens after another, and it will just make your heart ache. Every year there is a movie that should be seen, not because it is a great movie, but because the acting is flat-out superb (last year’s Revolutionary Road). This is that movie.
A Serious Man
The Coen brothers have made some films that I like and some films that I dislike, but after spending some time reading and thinking about this movie, I came to the realization that I enjoyed it. This is the thinking man's movie. If you like to be utterly flabbergasted and confused by a film, or if you are into highly philosophical subjects like duality and morality, or if you really like awkward Jewish people, this is the one you should watch. Otherwise, there is no chance you'll like it, so don't bother. (note: This is one of Parry's favorites)
Up in the Air
Clooney. Oh, Clooney. This was an all around good movie, although I'm not sure that it's anything spectacular. There are some relevant ideas behind the film about economics and the disconnectedness that exists in today's society. There are also interesting, good looking, and sometimes funny characters. I liked the ending. I think this is another movie that anyone would like, but few would love. It's worth putting on your Netflix list.
Up
Holy freakin' Christ did I cry like a baby at this movie. I imagine kids see it and laugh at some of the many silly and fun moments (I know I did), but I defy any so-called adult to watch it and not get all weepy in the first fifteen minutes. Despite the ugly crying that you'll most certainly do, you will really enjoy this film. If you think that you are too old for an animation, you are wrong. If anything, this is a movie for adults - or rather, for everybody.
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By the by, as a final note, just so you know what's at stake at our house over these Oscar picks... We have a replica Oscar sitting in our basement that goes to the winner each year. This year, the name of the winner (me) will be placed along the statue's base via Parry's work's label maker. If you come over in March, I might let you hold it...
LOST - My Questions for Season 6
To my (10) regular readers: I have to warn you now that I'll probably be blogging on a regular basis about LOST now that the season is upon us. I am, however, also going to try harder to get more written on a more consistent basis. I'll make sure to mix it up to keep you all happy.
As the last season of the best television show ever begins, I find myself rewatching episodes and focusing in on the big questions that have really stuck with me. I'm a reasonable viewer who knows that a little bit of unexplained mystery is a good thing, but in my mind, I really want the following five answers before the final closing screen *bam* of LOST hits the screen. Let me know what you're looking forward to most in the comments below!
WHO IS RICHARD ALPERT AND WHY DOESN'T HE EVER AGE?
Saucy bastard
For some reason or another, Jacob has chosen Richard to be his right-hand man - leader of the Others. I want to know why. Is there something about Richard that makes him the stand out man? Was Richard simply in the right place at the right time - just another pawn in a war between Jacob and the Man in Black? Or does Jacob just really dig a man with thick set of lashes? I need to know!
My Guess: I'm with the majority here in believing that Richard arrived on the island via the Black Rock. I think it would be really interesting to discover that Richard was actually an evil ass man (i.e. slave trader) in his time. Perhaps his time with Jacob is a means to earning redemption?
BODIES IN THE CAVE - WHO ARE ADAM AND EVE?
Remember way back in the first season when the biggest problem amongst the castaways was deciding whether living at the beach or in the caves was safer? Sigh. Those were simpler days.
When Jack first finds the caves, they are occupied by two rotting corpses Locke lovingly refers to as Adam and Eve. Next to the bodies is a bag containing one black rock and one white rock.
My Guess: The rocks are part of a random selection process in which the person who selects the black stone out of a bag is made to stay on the island to protect it after everyone else has left. The white stone indicates that someone voluntarily decided to stay behind with the loser. In my wishy-washy mind, Sawyer and Kate are Adam and Eve. In my dreamworld, Kate picks the black stone, and Sawyer decides to give up his chance to return home to stay with Kate forever. (Note: In my dreamworld, Jack is also dead in the end...) My husband insists Adam and Eve are Rose and Bernard. I could believe that, too.
WHO'S THAT WHISPERING IN THE TREES?
I first became aware of the whispers in the first season of LOST, and although I've never been able to make out any logical words myself, I believe the many Internet nerds who spend time listening, enhancing, listening some more, and transcribing. If you haven't caught on yet, anytime something important happens in LOST, whispers can be heard in the background. In transcriptions, the whispers seem to be people holding conversations about what is happening on the island. Characters are mentioned and actions are discussed. The whispers have been acknowledged by the characters on LOST, so apparently it's not just the viewer that is supposed to be hearing them. Check out this website if you don't believe me: LOST Whispers
My Guess: Um, I don't know. I have no real guess here. Could it be the spirits of the dead? People watching in some Dharma station? Some gods watching from above? The Others being extra creepy? I wouldn't be surprised if this is never answered, because I just don't know HOW it could be answered.
CHRISTIAN SHEPHARD - DEAD MAN WALKING?
This is the mystery that I am most excited for. It is also the question that most confuses me. As you all know, ex-Chief of Surgery Christian Shephard supposedly died in Australia after a drinking binge, and Jack is sent to Australia to bring back dear 'ole dad's corpse. After the plane crashes, however, Jack is confronted with what seems to be his father's roaming ghost and a now empty coffin. Christian has since been seen lurking around run down cabins and old Dharma barracks, hanging out with his possibly dead long-lost daughter Claire, delivering supposed messages from Jacob, and telling Locke how to bring back the Oceanic 6/die for the island.
On an island that seems quite overpopulated by dead people, is Christian just another manifestation of Smokey? A minion of the Man in Black? The Man in Black himself? Or, could Christian really be working on behalf of Jacob? There's also the possibility that Christian is alive - that he has somehow been resurrected...
My Guess: Let's rule out what I DON'T think is a possibility here: I don't think Christian is alive. That's just silly. I have, from the beginning, suspected the Christian is no good. Setting Locke up to leave the island seemed the most suspicious to me. Also, in the few moments that we've seen her since she ditched Aaron to hang out with Christian, Claire has seemed quite malevolent. I suspect that he's evil, but I would not be surprised (or disappointed) to discover that his motives are pure. I also have thought that it would be neat to find out that it is simply Christian's spirit trying to redeem itself so it can be allowed to move on.
WHAT IS THE SMOKE MONSTER?
I think that this question is on every LOST lover's list. We've seen it "scan" people. We've definitely seen it kill people (remember when it ripped Montands' arm off...and sucked the pilot out of the cockpit...and poor Echo...). We've heard it make rattling noises and its strange "dinosaur" call. We know it enjoys ripping apart trees, and as of season 5, we've seen where it lives (a grate under the temple). Ben has the ability to summon the monster, but he doesn't have any control over it at all. In fact, Ben fears the monster and feels that need to be judged by it. Everyone - from characters on the show to fellow nerds on the message boards - suggests that the monster is some kind of island security system - but what is it protecting?
My Guess: I tend to think that Smokey (as his good friends lovingly refer to him) works with neither Jacob nor the Man in Black; he is neutral - not good and not evil. I think that Smokey may be one of the few things/peoples/deities on the island that are original to the island. My guess would be that the temple was built around and for Smokey.
The assumption that Smokey is connected to judgment and redemption seems obvious, and I am particularly fond of the hieroglyph that shows Smokey and the Egyptian god Anubis together. In a connecting light, Smokey is also named Cerberus by Radzinsky and Kalvin (go Clancy!). Both of these allusions connect Smokey to ancient beliefs about entering the afterlife. If the island is some kind of gateway to the land of the dead, perhaps Smokey is the judge who decides whether or not you can come in.
As for the accepted belief that Smokey can take on the form of dead people or memories... I think I agree...although...hmmm...I just don't know. There are also aspects of the Smoke Monster that seem technological...so the possibility that it is man-made also exists in the back of my mind.
BONUS QUESTION: WHO WAS IN THE CABIN
The cabin - supposed living quarters of the man himself: Jacob. Ben goes to the cabin to speak to Jacob, but never hears from him directly. Locke hears a plea for help in the cabin. Hurley is given access to the cabin at times. Objects fly around, eyes appear out of nowhere, and creepy Christian seems to have rented a room. Additionally, the cabin seems to have the ability to move around the island.
In season 5, what seems like a major clue is revealed: a ring of ash surrounding the cabin has been broken. Has something broken in or out?
My Guess: The cabin was being used as a "prison" for the Man in Black. Somehow the ring of ash, which circled the cabin in order to keep the MiB imprisoned, was broken. Now the MiB is running around disguised as Locke. Damn you, Flocke!
As the last season of the best television show ever begins, I find myself rewatching episodes and focusing in on the big questions that have really stuck with me. I'm a reasonable viewer who knows that a little bit of unexplained mystery is a good thing, but in my mind, I really want the following five answers before the final closing screen *bam* of LOST hits the screen. Let me know what you're looking forward to most in the comments below!
WHO IS RICHARD ALPERT AND WHY DOESN'T HE EVER AGE?
Saucy bastard
For some reason or another, Jacob has chosen Richard to be his right-hand man - leader of the Others. I want to know why. Is there something about Richard that makes him the stand out man? Was Richard simply in the right place at the right time - just another pawn in a war between Jacob and the Man in Black? Or does Jacob just really dig a man with thick set of lashes? I need to know!
My Guess: I'm with the majority here in believing that Richard arrived on the island via the Black Rock. I think it would be really interesting to discover that Richard was actually an evil ass man (i.e. slave trader) in his time. Perhaps his time with Jacob is a means to earning redemption?
BODIES IN THE CAVE - WHO ARE ADAM AND EVE?
When Jack first finds the caves, they are occupied by two rotting corpses Locke lovingly refers to as Adam and Eve. Next to the bodies is a bag containing one black rock and one white rock.
My Guess: The rocks are part of a random selection process in which the person who selects the black stone out of a bag is made to stay on the island to protect it after everyone else has left. The white stone indicates that someone voluntarily decided to stay behind with the loser. In my wishy-washy mind, Sawyer and Kate are Adam and Eve. In my dreamworld, Kate picks the black stone, and Sawyer decides to give up his chance to return home to stay with Kate forever. (Note: In my dreamworld, Jack is also dead in the end...) My husband insists Adam and Eve are Rose and Bernard. I could believe that, too.
WHO'S THAT WHISPERING IN THE TREES?
I first became aware of the whispers in the first season of LOST, and although I've never been able to make out any logical words myself, I believe the many Internet nerds who spend time listening, enhancing, listening some more, and transcribing. If you haven't caught on yet, anytime something important happens in LOST, whispers can be heard in the background. In transcriptions, the whispers seem to be people holding conversations about what is happening on the island. Characters are mentioned and actions are discussed. The whispers have been acknowledged by the characters on LOST, so apparently it's not just the viewer that is supposed to be hearing them. Check out this website if you don't believe me: LOST Whispers
My Guess: Um, I don't know. I have no real guess here. Could it be the spirits of the dead? People watching in some Dharma station? Some gods watching from above? The Others being extra creepy? I wouldn't be surprised if this is never answered, because I just don't know HOW it could be answered.
CHRISTIAN SHEPHARD - DEAD MAN WALKING?
This is the mystery that I am most excited for. It is also the question that most confuses me. As you all know, ex-Chief of Surgery Christian Shephard supposedly died in Australia after a drinking binge, and Jack is sent to Australia to bring back dear 'ole dad's corpse. After the plane crashes, however, Jack is confronted with what seems to be his father's roaming ghost and a now empty coffin. Christian has since been seen lurking around run down cabins and old Dharma barracks, hanging out with his possibly dead long-lost daughter Claire, delivering supposed messages from Jacob, and telling Locke how to bring back the Oceanic 6/die for the island.
On an island that seems quite overpopulated by dead people, is Christian just another manifestation of Smokey? A minion of the Man in Black? The Man in Black himself? Or, could Christian really be working on behalf of Jacob? There's also the possibility that Christian is alive - that he has somehow been resurrected...
My Guess: Let's rule out what I DON'T think is a possibility here: I don't think Christian is alive. That's just silly. I have, from the beginning, suspected the Christian is no good. Setting Locke up to leave the island seemed the most suspicious to me. Also, in the few moments that we've seen her since she ditched Aaron to hang out with Christian, Claire has seemed quite malevolent. I suspect that he's evil, but I would not be surprised (or disappointed) to discover that his motives are pure. I also have thought that it would be neat to find out that it is simply Christian's spirit trying to redeem itself so it can be allowed to move on.
WHAT IS THE SMOKE MONSTER?
I think that this question is on every LOST lover's list. We've seen it "scan" people. We've definitely seen it kill people (remember when it ripped Montands' arm off...and sucked the pilot out of the cockpit...and poor Echo...). We've heard it make rattling noises and its strange "dinosaur" call. We know it enjoys ripping apart trees, and as of season 5, we've seen where it lives (a grate under the temple). Ben has the ability to summon the monster, but he doesn't have any control over it at all. In fact, Ben fears the monster and feels that need to be judged by it. Everyone - from characters on the show to fellow nerds on the message boards - suggests that the monster is some kind of island security system - but what is it protecting?
My Guess: I tend to think that Smokey (as his good friends lovingly refer to him) works with neither Jacob nor the Man in Black; he is neutral - not good and not evil. I think that Smokey may be one of the few things/peoples/deities on the island that are original to the island. My guess would be that the temple was built around and for Smokey.
The assumption that Smokey is connected to judgment and redemption seems obvious, and I am particularly fond of the hieroglyph that shows Smokey and the Egyptian god Anubis together. In a connecting light, Smokey is also named Cerberus by Radzinsky and Kalvin (go Clancy!). Both of these allusions connect Smokey to ancient beliefs about entering the afterlife. If the island is some kind of gateway to the land of the dead, perhaps Smokey is the judge who decides whether or not you can come in.
As for the accepted belief that Smokey can take on the form of dead people or memories... I think I agree...although...hmmm...I just don't know. There are also aspects of the Smoke Monster that seem technological...so the possibility that it is man-made also exists in the back of my mind.
BONUS QUESTION: WHO WAS IN THE CABIN
The cabin - supposed living quarters of the man himself: Jacob. Ben goes to the cabin to speak to Jacob, but never hears from him directly. Locke hears a plea for help in the cabin. Hurley is given access to the cabin at times. Objects fly around, eyes appear out of nowhere, and creepy Christian seems to have rented a room. Additionally, the cabin seems to have the ability to move around the island.
In season 5, what seems like a major clue is revealed: a ring of ash surrounding the cabin has been broken. Has something broken in or out?
My Guess: The cabin was being used as a "prison" for the Man in Black. Somehow the ring of ash, which circled the cabin in order to keep the MiB imprisoned, was broken. Now the MiB is running around disguised as Locke. Damn you, Flocke!
Saddest TV Moments
For the last several months, I have been preparing myself for perhaps the most painful television death of all time. Tomorrow, on New Year's Day, a show that has made me cry again and again will reach new heights in insane sadness: David Tennant will play the Doctor for the very last time. I will, most likely, spend a great deal of time on the first of the year weeping openly.
I am a sap - a complete sucker for television tearjerkers. I can cry at anything - yes, even commercials (that commercial where they show the sad dogs in the pound...dear God, you would be heartless not to at least tear up). In the same way a professional sports team might watch footage of old games to prepare for a big match-up, I have been toughening up my hide by watching some of the saddest television deaths that I have witnessed up until today. Here are three shows that always make me cry, and the specific moment that gets me every single time:
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ER
This show was always good for a cry. There was at least one horrifying death or life-altering injury per weekly episode. A kid gets hit by a car, a man finds out he has a week to live, a woman dies in childbirth - all tortuously tough to watch. Additionally, the doctor's who work at County General have the worst lives of anyone ever. Seriously. Some bad, bad shit happens to them. Carol Hathaway tries to kill herself and Doug ditches her with twins, Carter gets stabbed and Lucy dies, Carter's unborn baby dies and his wife leaves him, Mark gets mugged and has PTSD, Benton's son loses his hearing and his baby mama dies, Abby - the alcoholic - is attacked by a neighbor, Kovac's whole family is killed, Romano's arm gets torn off by a helicopter and then a different helicopter crushes him to death, and Gallant goes to Iraq after getting married to Neela only to be killed in action. Sigh. That's a lot of bad. And it's also only the stuff I remember off the top of my head!
Nothing, however, can compare to...
The saddest moment: Mark Green's death
Oh man. Let me bring the moment back to you: the entire episode is set in Hawaii where Mark has taken his estranged daughter, Rachel (his wife, Dr. Corday, and their baby came later), to try to build a relationship with her before he succumbs to brain cancer. They surf and fight and Rachel is a horrible, horrible little brat. But then they finally reconnect. Remember that part where Mark falls out of bed, half blind and pounds on the floor hopelessly yelling "Shit!"? Or how his daughter slips her headphones over Mark's ears and plays that damn Hawaiian version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" that never fails to make me cry? It was, up until that point, the single saddest thing I'd ever seen on TV.
What was even harsher was the fact that on the episode that aired the week after his death, just when you had pulled yourself together, they had an episode that centered around all the other characters finding out he had died... So sad.
BUFFY
Joss Whedon never seems to shy away from killing off a character in any of his shows - especially Buffy. There were so many sad moments on this show that I actually had trouble deciding which one is the worst! Buffy killing Angel right when he regains his soul is a rough scene. Giles finding Jenny's body in his bed still makes me weep. Buffy sacrificing herself to save the world, while corny, is still hard to watch. There is a Buffy/Angel crossover episode where Angel and Buffy finally get together but than their happy moments have to be erased, left only for Angel to remember - I cried for hours. Tara's death was just too horrible for words. And, of course, I rocked in fetal position for a good solid week after watching Spike sacrifice himself in the last episode.
Still, the most painful thing to watch has to be...
The saddest moment: Joyce Summers unexpectedly dies
How "The Body" didn't win some kind of award, I will never know. It continues to be one of the best hours of television I have ever seen. After battling with a mysterious illness, Buffy's mother, Joyce, seems to be on the mend. Then, one day Buffy comes home to find her mother's body on the couch. There was nothing magical or mysterious about the death, and there was no way Joyce was coming back. Sarah Michelle Gellar's acting, while at times questionable, is in this episode amazing. And the reaction from the other characters when they find out about Joyce's death- especially Anya - is heartbreaking.
There's something so sad when you hear an adult call their parent "mommy" or "daddy" in a moment of despair. Even though she is surrounded by death, Buffy is never more confronted by the reality of life and death as she is in the moment when she realizes her mother is not coming back and that she is on her own.
LOST
There is no show on TV sadder than LOST. I defy you to name one! In a show where any character can die at anytime, you better be prepared for heartache during each and every episode. It's not just the death that makes me cry while I'm watching either. When Penny and Desmond were reunited in season 4, I sighed with happiness through a film of tears. I also weep like a wee babe every time I see the scene where Sawyer tells Jack that he had met Christian in a bar and that he had been proud of Jack (I may or may not be tearing up as I type this).
Really though, let's be honest, it's the death that makes this show's sadness quotient sky-rocket. When Boone stopped Jack from chopping off his leg because he knows it is hopeless... When Shannon dies in Sayid's arms... When Hurley says goodbye to Libby at her grave... When Sun screams as Jin is blown to bits below...
The LOST moment that takes the crying cake though is...
The saddest moment: Charlie drowns
Not only is this the saddest LOST moment, Charlie's death marks the saddest thing I have ever seen on TV. Just the thought of it makes my insides hurt. What made Charlie's death even more painful was my unwillingness to accept that he was leaving the show. Everyone knew Charlie was a goner - I mean they told us for weeks! Still, I held out hope that it wouldn't happen. Even as Charlie said his goodbyes to Aaron and Claire, even as he knocked out Desmond to swim down to the Looking Glass Station, even as he was typing "Good Vibrations" into the jamming equipment, I held out blind hope. To no avail.
The fact that Charlie knows about his death but boldly sacrifices himself anyway shows just how far he had come as a character. Even as the water slowly fills in around him, Charlie uses his remaining moments to warn Desmond, and as the two men place their palms against the glass as a final farewell, viewers everywhere let out a sob. I know I did. It was really one of the best/worst things I've ever seen on TV.
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So, what do you think? Do you remember these tearjerkers? What was your saddest TV moment? Leave a comment below!
I am a sap - a complete sucker for television tearjerkers. I can cry at anything - yes, even commercials (that commercial where they show the sad dogs in the pound...dear God, you would be heartless not to at least tear up). In the same way a professional sports team might watch footage of old games to prepare for a big match-up, I have been toughening up my hide by watching some of the saddest television deaths that I have witnessed up until today. Here are three shows that always make me cry, and the specific moment that gets me every single time:
______________________________________
ER
This show was always good for a cry. There was at least one horrifying death or life-altering injury per weekly episode. A kid gets hit by a car, a man finds out he has a week to live, a woman dies in childbirth - all tortuously tough to watch. Additionally, the doctor's who work at County General have the worst lives of anyone ever. Seriously. Some bad, bad shit happens to them. Carol Hathaway tries to kill herself and Doug ditches her with twins, Carter gets stabbed and Lucy dies, Carter's unborn baby dies and his wife leaves him, Mark gets mugged and has PTSD, Benton's son loses his hearing and his baby mama dies, Abby - the alcoholic - is attacked by a neighbor, Kovac's whole family is killed, Romano's arm gets torn off by a helicopter and then a different helicopter crushes him to death, and Gallant goes to Iraq after getting married to Neela only to be killed in action. Sigh. That's a lot of bad. And it's also only the stuff I remember off the top of my head!
Nothing, however, can compare to...
The saddest moment: Mark Green's death
Oh man. Let me bring the moment back to you: the entire episode is set in Hawaii where Mark has taken his estranged daughter, Rachel (his wife, Dr. Corday, and their baby came later), to try to build a relationship with her before he succumbs to brain cancer. They surf and fight and Rachel is a horrible, horrible little brat. But then they finally reconnect. Remember that part where Mark falls out of bed, half blind and pounds on the floor hopelessly yelling "Shit!"? Or how his daughter slips her headphones over Mark's ears and plays that damn Hawaiian version of "Somewhere Over the Rainbow" that never fails to make me cry? It was, up until that point, the single saddest thing I'd ever seen on TV.
What was even harsher was the fact that on the episode that aired the week after his death, just when you had pulled yourself together, they had an episode that centered around all the other characters finding out he had died... So sad.
BUFFY
Joss Whedon never seems to shy away from killing off a character in any of his shows - especially Buffy. There were so many sad moments on this show that I actually had trouble deciding which one is the worst! Buffy killing Angel right when he regains his soul is a rough scene. Giles finding Jenny's body in his bed still makes me weep. Buffy sacrificing herself to save the world, while corny, is still hard to watch. There is a Buffy/Angel crossover episode where Angel and Buffy finally get together but than their happy moments have to be erased, left only for Angel to remember - I cried for hours. Tara's death was just too horrible for words. And, of course, I rocked in fetal position for a good solid week after watching Spike sacrifice himself in the last episode.
Still, the most painful thing to watch has to be...
The saddest moment: Joyce Summers unexpectedly dies
How "The Body" didn't win some kind of award, I will never know. It continues to be one of the best hours of television I have ever seen. After battling with a mysterious illness, Buffy's mother, Joyce, seems to be on the mend. Then, one day Buffy comes home to find her mother's body on the couch. There was nothing magical or mysterious about the death, and there was no way Joyce was coming back. Sarah Michelle Gellar's acting, while at times questionable, is in this episode amazing. And the reaction from the other characters when they find out about Joyce's death- especially Anya - is heartbreaking.
There's something so sad when you hear an adult call their parent "mommy" or "daddy" in a moment of despair. Even though she is surrounded by death, Buffy is never more confronted by the reality of life and death as she is in the moment when she realizes her mother is not coming back and that she is on her own.
LOST
There is no show on TV sadder than LOST. I defy you to name one! In a show where any character can die at anytime, you better be prepared for heartache during each and every episode. It's not just the death that makes me cry while I'm watching either. When Penny and Desmond were reunited in season 4, I sighed with happiness through a film of tears. I also weep like a wee babe every time I see the scene where Sawyer tells Jack that he had met Christian in a bar and that he had been proud of Jack (I may or may not be tearing up as I type this).
Really though, let's be honest, it's the death that makes this show's sadness quotient sky-rocket. When Boone stopped Jack from chopping off his leg because he knows it is hopeless... When Shannon dies in Sayid's arms... When Hurley says goodbye to Libby at her grave... When Sun screams as Jin is blown to bits below...
The LOST moment that takes the crying cake though is...
The saddest moment: Charlie drowns
Not only is this the saddest LOST moment, Charlie's death marks the saddest thing I have ever seen on TV. Just the thought of it makes my insides hurt. What made Charlie's death even more painful was my unwillingness to accept that he was leaving the show. Everyone knew Charlie was a goner - I mean they told us for weeks! Still, I held out hope that it wouldn't happen. Even as Charlie said his goodbyes to Aaron and Claire, even as he knocked out Desmond to swim down to the Looking Glass Station, even as he was typing "Good Vibrations" into the jamming equipment, I held out blind hope. To no avail.
The fact that Charlie knows about his death but boldly sacrifices himself anyway shows just how far he had come as a character. Even as the water slowly fills in around him, Charlie uses his remaining moments to warn Desmond, and as the two men place their palms against the glass as a final farewell, viewers everywhere let out a sob. I know I did. It was really one of the best/worst things I've ever seen on TV.
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So, what do you think? Do you remember these tearjerkers? What was your saddest TV moment? Leave a comment below!
All I Want for Christmas is an Ange Story
For Christmas this year, I am giving you something priceless: another fantastic story about my sister, Angela. Here are the events as I remember them.
A year or two ago, Angela picked up several part-time side jobs. One of these jobs was as a bank cleaner. A friend of my mother hooked Angela up. After the bank had closed for the night, Angela would come in and clean. I've never completely understood how the bank could get away with this, but they gave Ange all the codes to get in! I'm pretty sure that there are a number of issues with this scenario, but apparently, no one told the bank owner about Angela's brilliant history of "uh oh" moments.
One night, I am preparing myself for bed. I don't even remember what day it was - you'd have to ask Ange - but it was still a semi-decent time, maybe around 10:30, but it was a school night. When my cellphone rang, I was literally in bed, reading a book. I do recall thinking it odd that Ange was calling so late on a weekday, and for a moment, I was worried. Parry, my husband, answered the phone and handed it to me after saying hello.
"It's Ange," he said.
"Hi," she said when I got on the line.
"Hey, what's up?" I asked.
"Oh, nothing."
She proceeded to ask me about my night, making small talk like she would have on any old day. Then suddenly she said something that made me sit up in bed:
"Soooooo, I've done something stupid."
My heart began to race with anticipation and the sides of my mouth curled up into a smile. I told her to tell me, and she protested that it was something pretty bad. Man, was I excited to hear it.
"I'm at the bank, and well, I've sort of locked myself in the closet," she confessed.
There was a long pause, and then I burst into high pitched, hysterical laughter.
I asked her why it had taken her so long to tell me - what was with all the small talk? She said that she was embarrassed. I said that she damn well should be.
Somehow, while cleaning the bank and grooving to some tunes on her headphones, the closet door had swung closed behind her, locking. I continued to laugh hysterically while she related this humiliating information to me.
She didn't want to call the bank owner, but she had left a message on the phone of my mother's friend who had gotten her the job. Luckily, there was a backdoor that led to the outside at the back of the closet, BUT it was the emergency exit. plastered with warnings. Ange knew that if she went through it, all the bank alarms would go off and basically, she would be fired on the spot - not to mention possibly arrested for bank robbery. I asked her what she wanted me to do. The bank was only a street away from my parent's house, so I made the only suggestion I could think of.
"Should I call dad?" I asked her.
"Dad's away for the weekend. And if you call mom, she'll just panic."
The cops were out of the question.
"There's another problem," Ange suddenly said. "My phone's running out of batteries."
And pretty much right after she said these words, the line went dead.
I sat there in my bed, the phone held up to my face and the buzzing disconnection sound in my ear. I had no idea what to do. Should I call the police? My mother? Should I try to find the number for the bank owner? My mother's friend?
I pictured Ange alone in the dark closet, clutching her dead phone. I couldn't help it - I started laughing. I decided to make the only logical call.
I called our other sister, Jamie, who at the time lived in Phoenix.
"Guess what? Ange just called me. She's locked in the bank closet and her phone is dead!"
Jamie and I laughed until we nearly choked. Once we had calmed down, we decided that the only option was to wait for awhile and see if we heard from Ange. If I hadn't hear from her in an hour or so, I would call someone for help. I figured that if worse came to worse, she could always escape out the emergency door. I just hoped she wouldn't be shot by the cops in the process.
So, I waited...and waited...and then, the phone rang. It was Ange. She was free!
I can't remember the exact details, but I believe what happened was that my mother's friend had eventually gotten the message Ange left her and called the bank owner. The bank owner came and let Angela out. Angela had called me from her car - a liberated woman.
Not long after this, Angela was fired as a bank cleaner. What is surprising about this, however, is the fact that it was a completely different incident that precipitated her termination.
Yes, that's right - another bank disaster. This time though, I didn't get a call. Ange was cleaning the bank with her headphones on, and apparently she didn't notice that she had accidentally set off the alarm. Nor did she hear the cops when they pulled in... because she was asleep.
Oh, Ange. I love you.
A year or two ago, Angela picked up several part-time side jobs. One of these jobs was as a bank cleaner. A friend of my mother hooked Angela up. After the bank had closed for the night, Angela would come in and clean. I've never completely understood how the bank could get away with this, but they gave Ange all the codes to get in! I'm pretty sure that there are a number of issues with this scenario, but apparently, no one told the bank owner about Angela's brilliant history of "uh oh" moments.
One night, I am preparing myself for bed. I don't even remember what day it was - you'd have to ask Ange - but it was still a semi-decent time, maybe around 10:30, but it was a school night. When my cellphone rang, I was literally in bed, reading a book. I do recall thinking it odd that Ange was calling so late on a weekday, and for a moment, I was worried. Parry, my husband, answered the phone and handed it to me after saying hello.
"It's Ange," he said.
"Hi," she said when I got on the line.
"Hey, what's up?" I asked.
"Oh, nothing."
She proceeded to ask me about my night, making small talk like she would have on any old day. Then suddenly she said something that made me sit up in bed:
"Soooooo, I've done something stupid."
My heart began to race with anticipation and the sides of my mouth curled up into a smile. I told her to tell me, and she protested that it was something pretty bad. Man, was I excited to hear it.
"I'm at the bank, and well, I've sort of locked myself in the closet," she confessed.
There was a long pause, and then I burst into high pitched, hysterical laughter.
I asked her why it had taken her so long to tell me - what was with all the small talk? She said that she was embarrassed. I said that she damn well should be.
Somehow, while cleaning the bank and grooving to some tunes on her headphones, the closet door had swung closed behind her, locking. I continued to laugh hysterically while she related this humiliating information to me.
She didn't want to call the bank owner, but she had left a message on the phone of my mother's friend who had gotten her the job. Luckily, there was a backdoor that led to the outside at the back of the closet, BUT it was the emergency exit. plastered with warnings. Ange knew that if she went through it, all the bank alarms would go off and basically, she would be fired on the spot - not to mention possibly arrested for bank robbery. I asked her what she wanted me to do. The bank was only a street away from my parent's house, so I made the only suggestion I could think of.
"Should I call dad?" I asked her.
"Dad's away for the weekend. And if you call mom, she'll just panic."
The cops were out of the question.
"There's another problem," Ange suddenly said. "My phone's running out of batteries."
And pretty much right after she said these words, the line went dead.
I sat there in my bed, the phone held up to my face and the buzzing disconnection sound in my ear. I had no idea what to do. Should I call the police? My mother? Should I try to find the number for the bank owner? My mother's friend?
I pictured Ange alone in the dark closet, clutching her dead phone. I couldn't help it - I started laughing. I decided to make the only logical call.
I called our other sister, Jamie, who at the time lived in Phoenix.
"Guess what? Ange just called me. She's locked in the bank closet and her phone is dead!"
Jamie and I laughed until we nearly choked. Once we had calmed down, we decided that the only option was to wait for awhile and see if we heard from Ange. If I hadn't hear from her in an hour or so, I would call someone for help. I figured that if worse came to worse, she could always escape out the emergency door. I just hoped she wouldn't be shot by the cops in the process.
So, I waited...and waited...and then, the phone rang. It was Ange. She was free!
I can't remember the exact details, but I believe what happened was that my mother's friend had eventually gotten the message Ange left her and called the bank owner. The bank owner came and let Angela out. Angela had called me from her car - a liberated woman.
Not long after this, Angela was fired as a bank cleaner. What is surprising about this, however, is the fact that it was a completely different incident that precipitated her termination.
Yes, that's right - another bank disaster. This time though, I didn't get a call. Ange was cleaning the bank with her headphones on, and apparently she didn't notice that she had accidentally set off the alarm. Nor did she hear the cops when they pulled in... because she was asleep.
Oh, Ange. I love you.
Beavis & Julia Get Married
As some of you know already, my husband and I made a journey out to Philadelphia last weekend for the marriage of our friends Beavis and Julia. Aside from the obvious dangers associated with a trip to Philly, Parry and I also had to worry about being in the actual wedding – Parry as an usher, and me as the officiant. Yes, that’s right – the officiant. Beavis was kind enough to marry my husband and I a few years back, so when he called me up and asked, how could I deny him?
You may be asking yourself how we managed to garner the privilege to bestow upon others the holy sacrament of marriage. Well, it turns out that after a few clicks on the Universal Church website, anyone can marry anyone! Beavis has done it two or three times now, and even my sister has married someone. I highly recommend it for a source of second income…
Anyway, we took off for Philly Thursday morning after dropping Bunting off at the in-laws’ house. I pulled on a Pens t-shirt, and we were off. I love a good road trip, despite the fact that sitting still for hours on end is completely against my nature. Basically, I start to go nuts, blabbering nonsense non-stop. It’s fun for me, but for Parry…not so much. I decided to spend my time playing car bingo, and I made two cards on a scrap of paper I found in the car. It was surprisingly fun, but I think I made the squares too difficult to find (ie a picture of ice cream on the side of a truck). It amazes me to think that Parry didn’t reach across the car, open my door, undo my seatbelt, and push.
Thanks to my husband, the somewhat irrational fear that the hotel staff would spit in our food and ransack our room when we were out because of my Pens shirt began to seep into my brain. Driving through some lovely slums really solidified this idea, and I decided that, at least during check-in, I would keep my jacket zipped up to my nose. Beavis and Julia were checking in right behind us, so we got to spend a little time together while they were waiting for their room to be done – which was nice.
The wedding and the reception was held at the Glen Foerd Mansion – an exquisite historical home right on the Delaware River. It is just a beautiful place with so much to look at – a real unique space. The rehearsal went off without a hitch; I mostly deferred all decisions on everything to the bride. We had dinner back at the hotel, and I was lucky enough to be seated next to the best man, Mr. Jared Miller. Now, if you know Beavis and Julia, you could easily guess that the beer was a-flowin’, and in no time people were being loud and boisterous. Beavis gave his ushers copies of the book How to Live with a Huge Penis, which led the conversation down the path of debauchery and filth. Nothing out of the usual – except for the fact that the groom’s elderly aunt and uncle were seated with us, and I’m pretty sure that they spent the majority of their night silently praying for our damned souls.
Next, we spent some time at the bar in the hotel, which happened to have one of the most extensive beer selections of any hotel I have ever seen. The beer of the night was certainly the Gonzo Imperial Stout (7.8%) which flowed in abundance. Beavis was feeling no pain (as witnessed in this picture):
And, surprisingly, people were somehow up and pulled together early the next morning to get ready for the wedding.
Now, I’ve never had the tremendous responsibility of carrying an entire wedding on my shoulders. I started to panic internally, and I spent a lot of time reading over the vows, editing my speeches, and practicing in my mind. My stomach hurt, and I worked on forcing myself to stay chill.
When the time came, and I was standing at the end of the aisle with a mike in front of me and my binder of words in my hand, my knees were literally knocking together. Then, down came Beavis with his grandmother, and the two of us just stood there reassuring each other, despite the fact that we probably were not supposed to be making small talk. As the parents were being escorted down the aisle, Beavis realized that there was no lighter on the unity candle table. We both panicked, and I volunteered to go find one. Everyone looked very confused as I walked down the side aisle, away from the wedding that had already started. The planner lady looked like she was going to stroke out, but all was taken care off as I scuttled back to my place next to Beavis. Crisis averted.
The procession began to march in (Parry looking sharp), and then something fantastic happened – fantastic for me, that is. Jared, the best man, started down the steps with his lady…and he tripped. Sliding down the two steps, at least Jared didn’t pull the girl down with him… What he did do was break the ice, and suddenly I realized that no matter what I did or said, people would be totally fixated on Jared’s fall. So, to Jared, I say “Thank you, sir!” (By the way, Jared was fine.) I almost cried when the big moment came - I’m a sap at weddings - but I pulled it together.
The entire ceremony was a blur for me, but based on response, I guess it went well. I’m pretty sure I snorted into the microphone at least once due to inappropriate laughter, but no one is perfect. We spent the night eating, drinking, and dancing, as at any wedding. It was a good time with good people. And Mala looked really cute. I got brand new Cole Haan shoes – the ones with the Nike air cushions in them - as an early Christmas present from my husband, but my feet still hurt like hell by the end of the night (and even two days later). They looked good though – my first pair of big girl shoes.
The shuttle back to the hotel was filled to the brim with drunken incoherence, and in the morning, we all sat around eating cold bagels and contemplating all that had gone down the night before. It was a good time – a great wedding. I’m just thankful that I didn’t say something horribly inappropriate at the most inopportune time. A proud, proud moment! And perhaps a first.
You may be asking yourself how we managed to garner the privilege to bestow upon others the holy sacrament of marriage. Well, it turns out that after a few clicks on the Universal Church website, anyone can marry anyone! Beavis has done it two or three times now, and even my sister has married someone. I highly recommend it for a source of second income…
Anyway, we took off for Philly Thursday morning after dropping Bunting off at the in-laws’ house. I pulled on a Pens t-shirt, and we were off. I love a good road trip, despite the fact that sitting still for hours on end is completely against my nature. Basically, I start to go nuts, blabbering nonsense non-stop. It’s fun for me, but for Parry…not so much. I decided to spend my time playing car bingo, and I made two cards on a scrap of paper I found in the car. It was surprisingly fun, but I think I made the squares too difficult to find (ie a picture of ice cream on the side of a truck). It amazes me to think that Parry didn’t reach across the car, open my door, undo my seatbelt, and push.
Thanks to my husband, the somewhat irrational fear that the hotel staff would spit in our food and ransack our room when we were out because of my Pens shirt began to seep into my brain. Driving through some lovely slums really solidified this idea, and I decided that, at least during check-in, I would keep my jacket zipped up to my nose. Beavis and Julia were checking in right behind us, so we got to spend a little time together while they were waiting for their room to be done – which was nice.
The wedding and the reception was held at the Glen Foerd Mansion – an exquisite historical home right on the Delaware River. It is just a beautiful place with so much to look at – a real unique space. The rehearsal went off without a hitch; I mostly deferred all decisions on everything to the bride. We had dinner back at the hotel, and I was lucky enough to be seated next to the best man, Mr. Jared Miller. Now, if you know Beavis and Julia, you could easily guess that the beer was a-flowin’, and in no time people were being loud and boisterous. Beavis gave his ushers copies of the book How to Live with a Huge Penis, which led the conversation down the path of debauchery and filth. Nothing out of the usual – except for the fact that the groom’s elderly aunt and uncle were seated with us, and I’m pretty sure that they spent the majority of their night silently praying for our damned souls.
Next, we spent some time at the bar in the hotel, which happened to have one of the most extensive beer selections of any hotel I have ever seen. The beer of the night was certainly the Gonzo Imperial Stout (7.8%) which flowed in abundance. Beavis was feeling no pain (as witnessed in this picture):
And, surprisingly, people were somehow up and pulled together early the next morning to get ready for the wedding.
Now, I’ve never had the tremendous responsibility of carrying an entire wedding on my shoulders. I started to panic internally, and I spent a lot of time reading over the vows, editing my speeches, and practicing in my mind. My stomach hurt, and I worked on forcing myself to stay chill.
When the time came, and I was standing at the end of the aisle with a mike in front of me and my binder of words in my hand, my knees were literally knocking together. Then, down came Beavis with his grandmother, and the two of us just stood there reassuring each other, despite the fact that we probably were not supposed to be making small talk. As the parents were being escorted down the aisle, Beavis realized that there was no lighter on the unity candle table. We both panicked, and I volunteered to go find one. Everyone looked very confused as I walked down the side aisle, away from the wedding that had already started. The planner lady looked like she was going to stroke out, but all was taken care off as I scuttled back to my place next to Beavis. Crisis averted.
The procession began to march in (Parry looking sharp), and then something fantastic happened – fantastic for me, that is. Jared, the best man, started down the steps with his lady…and he tripped. Sliding down the two steps, at least Jared didn’t pull the girl down with him… What he did do was break the ice, and suddenly I realized that no matter what I did or said, people would be totally fixated on Jared’s fall. So, to Jared, I say “Thank you, sir!” (By the way, Jared was fine.) I almost cried when the big moment came - I’m a sap at weddings - but I pulled it together.
The entire ceremony was a blur for me, but based on response, I guess it went well. I’m pretty sure I snorted into the microphone at least once due to inappropriate laughter, but no one is perfect. We spent the night eating, drinking, and dancing, as at any wedding. It was a good time with good people. And Mala looked really cute. I got brand new Cole Haan shoes – the ones with the Nike air cushions in them - as an early Christmas present from my husband, but my feet still hurt like hell by the end of the night (and even two days later). They looked good though – my first pair of big girl shoes.
The shuttle back to the hotel was filled to the brim with drunken incoherence, and in the morning, we all sat around eating cold bagels and contemplating all that had gone down the night before. It was a good time – a great wedding. I’m just thankful that I didn’t say something horribly inappropriate at the most inopportune time. A proud, proud moment! And perhaps a first.
Fringe - A Damn Good Show
Now, I know I haven’t blogged for awhile, and without getting into excuses, I’m going to completely lay the blame on the month of November. Let’s just leave it there.
I’m going to be so bold as to state the best show on TV right now is Fringe (Well, it's tied with Dexter – but that’s another blog). You need to be watching this show; let me get back into the swing of things here and tell you why.
Fringe is made up of such a winning combination that there is just no way it could be anything but fantastic. First, it is created by JJ Abrams. Second, the X-Files-like pairing of a roguishly handsome rebel and a slightly manly, but incredibly sexy, FBI agent is a recipe that works again and again. Third, we’re dealing with some straight up sci-fi here – quality science fiction handled with realism and fed to the viewer with no apologies. Fourth, there is an abundance of great characters and even better acting.
John Noble (also referred to as Denethor in our house) is just delightful as Walter Bishop, the quirky genius struggling with madness and a less than ethical past. Everything that comes out of his mouth is pure gold. Lance Reddick (sometimes referred to as Abaddon or Lt. Daniels in our house) is, as usual, so very badass, if not completely frightening. Joshua Jackson (known as Pacey Witter in my heart) will totally blow you away with how good his acting has become. Let me tell you that Pacey has grown up a lot since his Creek days… he is way hot. And Anna Torv (…I’ve never seen her before this…) so perfectly encompasses her character that when I see her being interviewed, talking in her real-life Australian accent, I cannot even fathom that it’s the same person. Oh yeah, and Leonard Nimoy is in the show, too...
The show began last year and is currently in its second season. Season 1 was good – good enough to really capture and hold my attention – but H-O-L-Y crap, is Season 2 not the most riveting, mind-bending, suspense packed hour of television week after week. Now, I know that you want to click away from this blog (when you’re done reading, of course) and immediately put Fringe, season 1 in your NetFlix queue or download it from some site (shame, shame on you), but I want to take a moment to tell you a little something about the plot, just to whet your appetite even more.
Agent Olivia Dunham is assigned to the Fringe Division of the FBI – a group that both uses and investigates so-called “fringe science” to understand a series of unexplainable events happening all over the world. The only scientist who has the ability to comprehend and unravel the science behind it all is Walter Bishop. Unfortunately, Walter is nuts – a true mad scientist. He's also freakin' hilarious. To keep Walter in line and tether him to his sanity, his mysterious long-lost son, Peter Bishop, is brought in to lend a hand with his many talents. A cute lab assistant named Astrid rounds out the team, and Lance Reddick plays Broyles, the leader of the Fringe division.
Do NOT be put off because you think Fringe is an X-Files rip-off. The similarities between The X-Files and Fringe are abundant in the premise; however, the overlap between the two shows really stops there. The X-Files is a show about a quest for answers and government conspiracy; it uses science fiction to shape its storylines. Fringe is about saving all of humanity and the realization that there is so much more than we realize in the world; science fiction is the backbone of the show – the entire basis. The fact that the two shows share the same vibe is fantastic, but Fringe is unique to anything else I’ve seen on TV. It manages to be quite layered without being convoluted – you can just enjoy watching without having to be a crazy, forum-loving, pause button-hugging fan (although, there is plenty for all of us, too). There are also great special effects, belly-shaking humor, and the occasional, beautiful gross out.
I am telling you that you will not regret investing your time in this show. If you’re a sci-fi lover, there is just no excuse to miss it. But, even if sci-fi isn’t your thing, if you like superb writing and edge-of-your-seat plot twists – if you like being able to laugh hysterically and have your mind completely blown in the same hour – if you like great acting and complex characters, this is the show for you. In season 2, Fringe is finally hitting its stride, and you’d be a fool to miss out!
The Opening Two Minutes of Episode One
Peter is a Badass
I’m going to be so bold as to state the best show on TV right now is Fringe (Well, it's tied with Dexter – but that’s another blog). You need to be watching this show; let me get back into the swing of things here and tell you why.
Fringe is made up of such a winning combination that there is just no way it could be anything but fantastic. First, it is created by JJ Abrams. Second, the X-Files-like pairing of a roguishly handsome rebel and a slightly manly, but incredibly sexy, FBI agent is a recipe that works again and again. Third, we’re dealing with some straight up sci-fi here – quality science fiction handled with realism and fed to the viewer with no apologies. Fourth, there is an abundance of great characters and even better acting.
John Noble (also referred to as Denethor in our house) is just delightful as Walter Bishop, the quirky genius struggling with madness and a less than ethical past. Everything that comes out of his mouth is pure gold. Lance Reddick (sometimes referred to as Abaddon or Lt. Daniels in our house) is, as usual, so very badass, if not completely frightening. Joshua Jackson (known as Pacey Witter in my heart) will totally blow you away with how good his acting has become. Let me tell you that Pacey has grown up a lot since his Creek days… he is way hot. And Anna Torv (…I’ve never seen her before this…) so perfectly encompasses her character that when I see her being interviewed, talking in her real-life Australian accent, I cannot even fathom that it’s the same person. Oh yeah, and Leonard Nimoy is in the show, too...
The show began last year and is currently in its second season. Season 1 was good – good enough to really capture and hold my attention – but H-O-L-Y crap, is Season 2 not the most riveting, mind-bending, suspense packed hour of television week after week. Now, I know that you want to click away from this blog (when you’re done reading, of course) and immediately put Fringe, season 1 in your NetFlix queue or download it from some site (shame, shame on you), but I want to take a moment to tell you a little something about the plot, just to whet your appetite even more.
Agent Olivia Dunham is assigned to the Fringe Division of the FBI – a group that both uses and investigates so-called “fringe science” to understand a series of unexplainable events happening all over the world. The only scientist who has the ability to comprehend and unravel the science behind it all is Walter Bishop. Unfortunately, Walter is nuts – a true mad scientist. He's also freakin' hilarious. To keep Walter in line and tether him to his sanity, his mysterious long-lost son, Peter Bishop, is brought in to lend a hand with his many talents. A cute lab assistant named Astrid rounds out the team, and Lance Reddick plays Broyles, the leader of the Fringe division.
Do NOT be put off because you think Fringe is an X-Files rip-off. The similarities between The X-Files and Fringe are abundant in the premise; however, the overlap between the two shows really stops there. The X-Files is a show about a quest for answers and government conspiracy; it uses science fiction to shape its storylines. Fringe is about saving all of humanity and the realization that there is so much more than we realize in the world; science fiction is the backbone of the show – the entire basis. The fact that the two shows share the same vibe is fantastic, but Fringe is unique to anything else I’ve seen on TV. It manages to be quite layered without being convoluted – you can just enjoy watching without having to be a crazy, forum-loving, pause button-hugging fan (although, there is plenty for all of us, too). There are also great special effects, belly-shaking humor, and the occasional, beautiful gross out.
I am telling you that you will not regret investing your time in this show. If you’re a sci-fi lover, there is just no excuse to miss it. But, even if sci-fi isn’t your thing, if you like superb writing and edge-of-your-seat plot twists – if you like being able to laugh hysterically and have your mind completely blown in the same hour – if you like great acting and complex characters, this is the show for you. In season 2, Fringe is finally hitting its stride, and you’d be a fool to miss out!
The Opening Two Minutes of Episode One
Peter is a Badass
Halloween Pumpkins - 2009
Pumpkin carving, one of my favorite holiday traditions, is something that I look forward to all year. While I'm not capable of the carving marvels that you see on the Internet, I pride myself on doing something new each year. Sometimes I try something I've seen in a book or on a Web site, and other times I try to make something strange work. What always helps is that we live right next to Trax, a huge farm that grows a seemingly endless number of gourds and pumpkins - all of different sizes, colors, and textures. You can always find something unique.
This year, I had an idea to make a parasitic Siamese twin pumpkin. I had no idea how to go about this, and although there are several issues with the finished pumpkin (the twin is too big to stay up on it's own, for example - I'm still trying to come up with a solution), I think it worked out just fine. What do you think?
I also wanted to buy a big white pumpkin and make it into a ghost. Unfortunately, this idea had to be altered as it must be a bad year for white pumpkins - there wasn't much of a selection. Instead, I opted for some long, whitish gourds. We think it would be fun to line the whole walkway with little ghosts. You could also make a Pac-man pumpkin...
Parry, my husband, hates pumpkin guts. Scooping out the insides makes him queasy. He's a sissy, but he still carves a pumpkin every year anyway. I've noticed that he always gives his pumpkins tiny facial features - especially eyes. It is somehow appropriate. This year, he made a minotaur.
If you'd like to check out our pumpkins from previous years or our current Halloween decorations (the theme this year: decapitated heads), head over to my picture page: My Halloween Pictures There are a lot of good ones over there! Check them out!
This year, I had an idea to make a parasitic Siamese twin pumpkin. I had no idea how to go about this, and although there are several issues with the finished pumpkin (the twin is too big to stay up on it's own, for example - I'm still trying to come up with a solution), I think it worked out just fine. What do you think?
I also wanted to buy a big white pumpkin and make it into a ghost. Unfortunately, this idea had to be altered as it must be a bad year for white pumpkins - there wasn't much of a selection. Instead, I opted for some long, whitish gourds. We think it would be fun to line the whole walkway with little ghosts. You could also make a Pac-man pumpkin...
Parry, my husband, hates pumpkin guts. Scooping out the insides makes him queasy. He's a sissy, but he still carves a pumpkin every year anyway. I've noticed that he always gives his pumpkins tiny facial features - especially eyes. It is somehow appropriate. This year, he made a minotaur.
If you'd like to check out our pumpkins from previous years or our current Halloween decorations (the theme this year: decapitated heads), head over to my picture page: My Halloween Pictures There are a lot of good ones over there! Check them out!
This Halloween, Escape with the King of Horror
Part of the appeal of Halloween (and the horror genre in general) is that people feel good reading or watching about the life of someone who has it worse than they do. As they watch a good looking lady get hacked into pieces or read about a man whose whole family was just slaughtered by a pack of werewolves, people think, "I'm sure glad I'm not that guy!"
Reading a book or watching a movie that scares the be-Jesus out of you is a welcome distraction from the little everyday problems that might otherwise drive you nuts. Forget about your annoying boss or that huge bill you just got in the mail or your kid who you'd like to send to live with your mother, and surround yourself with someone else's problems that are much, MUCH worse than yours will ever be.
This Halloween season, I am recommending you temporarily escape from your worries with some classic Stephen King tales. Whether you're looking to settle in with a good book or you just have time for a quick film, here are a few horror staples to lose yourself (and your lunch? your mind? some sleep?) in. Even if you've seen or read them before, they're always good for a jolt. You think you got problems? Well, turn down the lights, pop some popcorn, and try these issues on for size...
Carrie is a homely teenager who everybody tortures and taunts on a daily basis. There is no "going too far" for her bullies who throw tampons at her and plan to cover her in pig's blood. To make matters even worse, Carrie's mother is a bible-thumping psychopath who likes to lock Carrie in closets, forcing her to atone for the unacceptable sin of maturing and reaching puberty.
Poor Carrie, right? I would rather deal with one hundred of the worst people I know than sit in a room with Carrie's mother for one single minute. So, how does Carrie deal with her issues? She discovers and hones her psycho-kinetic skills and kills everyone she sees in one gloriously hellacious prom night.
Pet Sematary - will help you accept death
Dr. Louis Creed seems to be unable to come to terms with the fact that in life death is inevitable. He has recently suffered from losses, big and small. First, his daughter's cat, Winston Churchill, is run over, and then he gets nightly visits from a patient he recently lost, Victor Paskow. The final nail in Louis's sanity coffin is the death of his small son, Gage, who learns to walk just in time to step in front of an oncoming Mac Truck. Ouch.
Louis decides that the best way to deal with death it to kick it swiftly in the balls. After testing the ancient Indian burial ground behind his house with the cat, he decides the smart thing to do is to resurrect his child as a scalpel wielding zombie with a pension for hiding under beds and slicing tendons in the back of Herman Munster's ankle. Ouch, again.
It - will make any bad childhood memories disappear
My ten-year high school reunion is right around the corner, but my fears about seeing old faces and reliving one horrible story after another are in no way justifiable when I look at the reunion the characters in this book are dealing with. Years after they successfully faced and defeated an ancient, child-eating evil, a group of old friends has to return to the small town of Derry, Maine to finally destroy the monster that can take the shape of their worst fears.
You name the problem, these characters have to face it: killer clowns, giant spiders, a mummy, a werewolf, a leper, a giant bird... Their real world problems aren't any prettier: abusive parents, violent partners, failed careers, depression, and drugs. Looking at the life of any member of "The Losers Club" will make your existence seem like a dream.
I also want to note that this is the best book. If you've never read it, just take the plunge. It's long, but worth it. Beep Beep, Richie!
Misery - will make you grateful that you have avoided the pitfalls of fame...and for your health
Paul Sheldon is a successful writer. He has a life that most would envy. Until, that is, an accident puts him in the hands of a psychopath who happens to be his "biggest fan." Just as Paul feels he has fallen victim to the trap of commercialism within his writing, he is restrained and "tortured" by a fan of the very books he has come to dislike.
In the end, Paul lives to pen those personal novels that he always hoped to write, but even after he is free of Annie's house of horrors, Paul suffers more than any person should: he is wracked with nightmares about his imprisonment, he is an alcoholic and may have a drug problem, and he has no feet... Oh yeah, have you seen the movie but never read the book? You know that hobbling scene that makes you squirm in your seat every time you see it? Well, in the book it involves an axe and a blowtorch. The novel version of Paul would probably thank god for a sledgehammer.
Storm of the Century - will make any major decisions you made today seem simple
SotC is the only story here that is neither a novel nor a movie - it is a mini-series. So, yes, you need quite a few hours to watch it, but ooooooooh is it good. A mysterious stranger comes to a small island town in Maine in the middle of a snow storm that cuts off all contact between the island and the mainland. It's too bad for these small-towners that this stranger is an evil demon who knows all their deepest, darkest secrets.
Andre Linoge is a bad guy that will give you nightmares. And when you finally discover what this creepster wants, you'll see that the biggest choice you made in the last year doesn't hold a candle to the one these people have to make. Sucks to be them.
The Shining - will actually make you happy that you have no time to vacation
Everyone has seen The Shining. Fewer of you have read the book. You might be surprised by the fact that the two are very, very different. While the movie focuses on Jack's downward spiral and crazy-ass abusiveness, the book is more of a ghost story, dealing with how "the hotel" attempts to get at little Danny Torrance. Either way, you have a winner of a story.
Whichever version you choose, however, will lead you into a world of depression, isolation, and alcoholism. If you think you are dissatisfied with your work, you don't hold a candle to Jack Torrance! And, of course, on top of all this, these poor bastards have to deal with the a creepy hotel filled with pissed off spirits. The Overlook Hotel = worst. vacation. ever.
Teaching 8th English never looked so good!
Redrum.
